On losing a Life
Partner
I lost my life partner with the passing away of Vidya on
December 7 all of a sudden with a silent cardiac arrest just before my open
eyes. I was stunned and shocked along with my daughter, Vaishali and daughter
in law, Sulekha standing and holding Vidya at her bed. It was a devastating
thing to happen for the family. There was no
response time. She was admitted to
a hospital for a few days with positive dengue and resultant ailments and was
back home on December 6. Nobody in the family, I think even Vidya herself,
expected this to happen so suddenly. Vidya
left us in peace without uttering a word and even demonstrating any pain. Vidya,
a simple but gracious lady, lived with blissful dignity and left with eternal
peace.
I am a regular blogger but could not gather enough courage to
sit and write since her departure as I felt totally devastated. It is one of
the hardest aspects of grieving for your partner. It is grieving the
future you had planned together. Thinking about your new reality, it can deepen
the feelings of loneliness and isolation you might be feeling and this can be
scary to cope with. But one has to accept the hard reality. There is no other
way. A common theme among people who have lost their spouse is
the debilitating effects of feeling entirely alone and incomplete. The
sense of feeling like one has lost an essential part of oneself is both painful
and disconcerting. I was over-whelmed with the flow of condolence messages and
sharing of our grief by my friends, colleagues and relations at large. My
extended family; brothers Krishan and Parmjit and also my sisters stood by me
as a solid wall.
These realities of life have a different and distinct effect
on my life. We married each other when perhaps we were not even legally of age
to do that in June, 1969. I was still a
student of the final year of BA. On my insistence, without any explicit
agreement of Vidya, it was decided to delay our physical marriage for a couple
of years under the guise of Muklawa or Gauna in social parlance. I shifted to
Delhi in pursuit of my career in the IFS in March 1970 to earn my bread and
butter. Vidya was happy, obviously. After settling down followed by Muklawa, we
started living as husband and wife in April, 1971. The crux of the matter is
that we started growing together in whatever socio-economic condition we were
as an ordinary young couple belonging to a poor background.
We did not look back. Vidya stood by me in thick and thin
both in my career and family responsibilities. Without any formal education as
a young lady from village background, she was well groomed by her family and
parents in taking care of family and social responsibilities with fortitude and
courage. I benefited out of her ability and devotion in this regard. Our first
posting in diplomatic parlance in 1977 was Beijing (Peking) in China. We were a
young couple in our mid-twenties and parents of three children. The odds were
too many. She learnt the tricks of the trade quickly and held the fort as a
good home-maker. I could climb the ladder in the professional domain as Vidya
shouldered all the family responsibilities at home without giving me any cause
of concern and worry. Not only we could do and fulfil all our social and family
responsibilities including marriages of our three children and making them
settle in life with satisfaction but also did fairly well in our diplomatic
career and reached the top with Ambassadorial status. Many of you may know that
in the life of a diplomat; particularly
that of Indian diplomats, the spouse
plays an important and equal role both in official conduct and social living.
Vidya did it well and élan as a good and supportive life partner. On my
retirement, leaving all the glitter of diplomatic life and globetrotting, we
decided to come back to our roots in Jalandhar. Vidya was somewhat reluctant to
come back initially but later she again honoured my wish as a gracious partner.
Till her last breath, now I fully realise, she always tended to stand by me as
my life partner. She carved a good
social ground and space for her back home after absence from the scene for
about 40 years with her down to earth approaches towards life, her humility and
pleasing demeanour. So many things cloud my mind about her earthy sense of
worldly wisdom which always remained handy to address day to day issues of
concern and interest. We celebrated our 50th marriage anniversary in
2019 with a great sense
of belonging and satisfaction. There is much to write
about which I will see and do later. At the Antim Ardas on December 17, some of
my friends and social leaders paid glowing tributes to her and invariably
referred to her unmatched traditional sense of hospitality and rustic but
pragmatic behavior. One of my friends and diplomatic colleagues from Delhi,
Amarjeet paid a handsome tribute to Madam Vidya Chander at her Antim Ardas:
माँ, मम्मी, दादी, विद्दो सबने आवाज़ लगाई
कोई तड़प कोई पुकार कुछ भी काम न आई
हर बंधन से तुम हाथ छुड़ाकर चले गए
देखते-देखते सबको रुलाकर चले गए...
बहुत कुछ कहना था, बहुत कुछ सुनना था
दूसरी पारी की बगिया से फूलों को चुनना था
हर्षित आँखों को अश्क़ों में डुबाकर चले गए
देखते-देखते सबको रुलाकर चले गए...
सबके सुख-दुःख का ख्याल रखने वाली
सबके भविष्य के सुन्दर सपने बुनने वाली
संतोष भरा सर्वस्व लुटाकर चले गए
देखते-देखते सबको रुलाकर चले गए...
हँसता-मुस्कराता चेहरा सबको याद रहेगा
दिव्य व्यक्तित्व दिलों में आबाद रहेगा
बेफिक्री से जीने की राह दिखाकर चले गए
देखते-देखते सबको रुलाकर चले गए...
प्रेम, आदर्श और संस्कारों से सम्पूर्ण
रिश्ते-नाते, दोस्ती के भावों से परिपूर्ण
फिर से मिलन की आस जगाकर चले गए
देखते-देखते सबको रुलाकर चले गए...
अमर जीत ‘अंजान’
I am yet not in a right frame of my mind to say something
more and end it here with the hope to pick up the threads in the days to come
to keep the memory of my life partner who has left a wide void in my remaining
days of my life – We lived a blessed life: Thodi Khatti – Thodi Meethi.
न हाथ थाम
सके न पकड़ सके दामन,
बहुत करीब से उठकर चला गया कोई।
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